


Petals in the Wind

by TheRealRina



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Blood and Gore, Cannibalism, Canon-Typical Violence, Drinking, First Love, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Male-Female Friendship, Possessive Behavior, Pre-Canon, Slow Build, Stalking, Storytelling, Timelines, Unhealthy Relationships, but it's blood wine
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-05
Updated: 2016-04-04
Packaged: 2018-04-07 17:30:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 19,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4271865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheRealRina/pseuds/TheRealRina
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kanae liked to think of Tsukiyama as a beautiful rose. Blooming, blooming, becoming more magnificent every day. But of course, even beautiful flowers turn brown and wilt in the end.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know how long this will be, nor what exactly will go down, but I'll just let my hands do the typing for me and see where this goes. Huge thanks to my lovely beta reader for helping me make this somewhat understandable!

Tsukiyama Shuu was used to having things go his way.

So, seeing the restaurant being built before him was only natural to his budding, young man self. Of course his parents worried and flitted about him to make sure their son would have no problems; i.e having meetings with professional architects and financial consultants. It was almost overbearing at times. Tsukiyama wanted to feel like he did something for himself, without feeling like he was riding on his parents' coattails. Regrettably, Tsukiyama realized things would move a lot faster if he'd just accept the help, so he conceded.

Younger Tsukiyama still felt a bit petulant about that, but he was content enough to finally be a part of something bigger.

 

The day of the opening, Tsukiyama made his great entrance as the ever-so-elegant MM. He liked to believe he made a grand impression, and hoped to use that to his advantage. _Yes,_ he thought as two female ghouls draped themselves over him, malicious eyes hidden behind half-masks and sickly sweet smiles plastered onto porcelain skin, _I will_ own _this place._

* * *

Kanae was starting to see less and less of the young master. It was to be expected that as he grew older, the older male would find little reason to go back to the manor if it weren't for business. Kanae felt his chest puff out slightly, feeling vaguely proud to see the eccentric man getting things done and simply being _out there_.

Meanwhile, Kanae lurked behind the flashy curtains, tending to the mundane activities of every day life. The teen wasn't going to lie, it stung a bit. Nonetheless, Kanae would have to bear with it. He felt lucky enough to have spent various years with his beloved Tsukiyama.

Still. That little sting of betrayal was ever constant whenever Tsukiyama walked out the manor doors.

* * *

The look of betrayal was one of Tsukiyama's favorite expressions. His current target was one with luscious curls and chocolate eyes that reflected utter bewilderment, a vast contrast to the sweet and enamored look they usually had.

This particular one had taken quite some time. Money, too, but Tsukiyama had no qualms on spending an extra bill or two for young ladies. _Megumi-chan_ was the name of this one, all introverted and innocent. It had taken five dates, eight gifts, and two rides home to chip away her defenses, but as Tsukiyama ripped slender digits off a manicured hand, watched doe eyes morph into something frightened and painful, he concluded that it was well worth it.

* * *

Tsukiyama had been taking a stroll, not really searching for his next target, but rather enjoying the cool night air ruffle his hair and the subdued (subdued because the large crowds of bustling humans were no longer out, and to Tsukiyama's delight, no longer  _overwhelming_ him) scents waft past him. He hadn't expected much, just planned to walk around for a bit before a small visit to the manor; check to see how everyone was doing and then retire to his home. A cup of coffee and a book seemed like a nice way to end the day.

But then he smelled the blood. He paused to sniff the air, realizing the source was just up ahead, and that he was going to have to go past it. Rosy lips settled into a grimace. Tsukuyama knew it was only proper etiquette to leave a ghoul alone to their feeding- at least he presumed that's what it was- so he began to take longer strides forward and just walk past it. This definitely wasn't the first time this had happened to him, and it was neither the last, so he treated the situation with nonchalance.

Just as the suited ghoul made it past the alleyway, a scream erupted behind him, followed by a loud crash and a string of curses. Tsukiyama turned to see a middle-aged man, plain clothes now tattered and bloody, pinned to the ground by fiery red tendrils. A small spark of hope lit up in grey eyes, followed by a gurgling sound as the victim tried to call out for help and raised a hand.

There was a crimson blur, surprise and pain registering on the man's face as he watched that same hand get cleaved off by another tendril.

This was the first time Tsukiyama saw her.

Rize click clacked her way into view, blood staining her dress and clinging to her hair, turning it a burgundy color of sorts. She wore a manic smile, mandibles marred with red.

By now, the man had started to scream again. Rize seemed to be solely focused on her meal; the minute her victim opened his mouth, she forced her kagune in and out through the back of his neck. That shut him up, for the most part. If you didn't count the squishing, wet noises still coming out.

It was then that Rize seemed to realize she had company. Unwanted company. She cast a sideway glance towards the other ghoul. "Do you mind?"

Tsukiyama was a bit taken aback at the honey-like voice. Then, a bit irritated. He regarded her form with poorly-concealed disgust. _Barbarian_ , he thought as he observed the other crouch and begin to rip at the flesh, almost as if starved. Not wanting to pick a fight, Tsukiyama muttered a small, "Excuse me, miss," and went on his way.

* * *

At the restaurant, MM sat at a table with one pinstriped leg over the other. He smiled among his fellow ghouls, raising his glass at appropriate times. He heard the yelling and tearing of flesh as the Dismantling Show went on below him, but paid little attention. Even though the atmosphere was consistently hyped up and extravagant, this particular ghoul was beginning to get bored.

He took a sip of his blood wine and examined the clients over the brim of his glass. Perhaps Tsukiyama just needed some distraction.

He noticed a blonde man over by the bar, finely tailored suit clothing his slightly smaller physique. The mask he donned was a three-quarter bird-style one, with small, blue and gold feathers tufting out to the side. It wasn't overly decorated, giving off a look of minimalistic elegance. One of his buddies nudged him, seeming to notice Tsukiyama's attention on him. The blonde swiveled around on his stool, scanning the layout before settling his eyes on Tsukiyama's form and proceeding to give a dazzling smile and wave. The violet-haired ghoul waved right back. He was about to stand up and go introduce himself (not like he needed to anyways- everyone knew the Gourmet around here- but it was a pleasantry that needed to be done) when a familiar smell assaulted his nose.

A refined, young lady appeared before him, not bothering to ask if the seat was taken as she made herself comfortable. Tsukiyama took in the lilac strands hidden behind a crudely made mask and recognition changed his features. She extended a manicured hand and proclaimed herself to be the Binge Eater. Tsukiyama took it and tried to hide his surprise at that, but must've not hid it well enough, (or she was exceptionally well at reading people; he hoped it was the former) because Rize laughed as she explained, "Yes, I know I don't look like much," then tucked some stray hair behind her ear.

" _Non_ , I don't mean it like that! I just didn't expect you to be here. Since when have you been a member?" Tsukiyama had heard the rumors circulating around the Binge Eater, and how ruthless and terrifying they could be. If he had known he'd bumped into the Binge Eater earlier, he might've been more hurried to leave.

"Oh, I'm not a member. I'd just heard things about this place and wanted to check it out."

"I hope they were not unpleasant things," He took another sip of his wine, but then seemed to remember something and chastise himself, "Ah, how rude of me. I forgot to introduce myself. I am-"

"MM, yes I know. Many of the clients here like talking about you," She cut him off. At his silence, she continued, "I might've happened to overhear some things..."

"Eavesdropping is not a very lady-like thing to do," He commented.

Rize sounded like she was grinning under her mask as she gleefully corrected, "And I am not a lady."

If it were anyone else, Tsukiyama would've been extremely offended at the lack of manners. But this one? This one interested him. He decided he wanted to stick around to see where this would lead him.

And so, Tsukiyama had forgotten about the blonde by the bar (much to the blonde's annoyance) and continued to make pleasant conversation with Rize that night.

* * *

"Did something good happen?" Kanae asked one day, as he poured coffee into an engraved cup for the young master. Tsukiyama's small smile betrayed him, something he couldn't stop whether he wanted to or not. Pleasantly surprised, Tsukiyama replied with another question.

"How did you know?"

Kanae made small gestures with his hands, trying to communicate how he thought of Tsukiyama. "You just have this... ah... _heiter..._ air about you.. Very cheerful."

"Do you mean to say I am gloomy the rest of the time?"

Kanae gulped visibly as he hurried to clarify, "No, no! I mean, you're always very happy, but it's always been a bit suppressed and just- now it's as if you've become more ah... radiant and-"

Tsukiyama threw his head back and laughed openly, a rare sight; hidden from the public, something that made Kanae smile sheepishly regardless of his embarrassment. "My, my, relax. I'm only teasing," He gave a bright smile once his laughter died down. "But to answer your question, yes. I've found a fellow ghoul companion."

Kanae made a noise of interest. Tsukiyama continued.

"She didn't seem to be too interested in the family, and she didn't seem to want to be by my side for appearances. She didn't seem to want anything much from me at all, actually," the taller one mused.

Kanae simply narrowed his eyes, unbelieving to the mysterious ghouls’ intentions. At that, Tsukiyama grinned. "I know not to get my hopes up. She was pleasant enough, though, and I hope to see her again soon. Anyways, enough of that. Kanae, my dear, come here and tell me what I've missed," he pat the seat next to him on the couch. Kanae decided to let the matter go in favor of re-counting events to the other.

 

Some time during the stories, Tsukiyama had fallen asleep on the couch. Kanae only realized this when he asked Tsukiyama a question and only got a soft snore in reply. The servant shook his head, muttering something in German though he wore a slight smile on his face. He didn't think he was strong enough to carry the young master upstairs to his bedroom, at least not without much strain and bustling that would surely wake the ghoul up.

So, Kanae retrieved a satin cover and some plush pillows and proceeded to make Tsukiyama more comfortable on the couch. It was here that Kanae took the chance to openly observe Tsukiyama's sleeping features. Long eyelashes rested over high cheekbones, full lips slightly open to let out some drool. It was nice to see Tsukiyama unguarded, the younger smiled at his own thoughts. Without really thinking about it, Kanae leaned over and brushed the hair away from his eyes. The servant noted that his hair was silky smooth.

Then, seemingly embarrassed by his own actions, he quickly tucked the sleeping Gourmet in and left the room, a dusty pink painted over his cheeks.

* * *

A few days had passed when Tsukiyama felt the need to go out again. Wanting something a bit more peaceful than the cheering crowd of ghouls in the restaurant, he opted to go to a bookstore. He already had some at home, but he figured he might as well browse and see if anything catches his eye.

He was walking past a shelf when he caught sight of a lavender blur in between the gaps of book spines. Intrigued, Tsukiyama rounded the shelf and saw what seemed to be a reserved female reading the back of a book through red-rimmed lenses. She must've heard him, because she turned towards him and smiled demurely.

"Hello there, MM," She waved him over. "I didn't expect to see you here."

" _Bonjour_ , miss..."

"Ah, right! I never told you my name, did I? I'm Rize."

"Rize," Tsukiyama let the name roll off his tongue. "What a coincidence! And what do you have there?" He nodded at the book in Rize's hand.

"Oh this? It's just some romance novel. I don't really like them, but it's by one of my favorite authors so I figured I could give it a try," She offhandedly replied.

Tsukiyama made a noncommittal noise as he sized her up. This 'Rize' was a whole another person from the Binge Eater. This young lady before him looked to be a pure, if a bit shy, person. He shivered to think of the inner layer of viciousness hidden behind the lacy dresses and sweet smiles.

Done with his once-over of Rize, he offered her a seat at the back of the store where people could read in peace. It was a rather small space, but there weren't more than five people there so it wasn't horribly crowded. He worried about making conversation with Rize when the customers likely wanted silence, but the bespectacled ghoul seemed content enough to read her book. Tsukiyama had already chosen an interesting looking one, and so he began to read alongside her.

He was still a bit shocked that another ghoul happened to like literature as much as he did, judging by the small pile Rize had set beside her, but it was a good kind of surprise. Fortunately, the atmosphere around them didn't turn and change into something awkward, but something more companionable and comfortable.

Before he knew it, Tsukiyama had finished ten lengthy chapters when Rize stood up. "It was nice reading with you, Tsukiyama. It's getting kind of late, so I should be getting home. You can never be too safe with all those terrifying ghouls out there," Here, Rize shot him a wink.

"Of course! Will I be seeing you again at the show?" He inquired earnestly.

"Oh, no, those sorts of things aren't really my style. My apologies. But maybe you'll see me here again..." She trailed off meaningfully.

"Maybe," Tsukiyama smiled.

 

It wasn't until Rize was long gone and Tsukiyama was at the register that he realized he had never told Rize his name. Goosebumps raised on his smooth skin as he tried not to worry too much. Her intentions didn't seem malicious, but after seeing how easily she could hide things, he wasn't too sure if he _should_ follow up on the assumed meeting.

* * *

Despite being wary of Rize, Tsukiyama continued to meet with her. Sometimes it was bookshops like the first one they went to, other times it was cafés or parks. They mostly talked about books, authors, philosophy and such. Tsukiyama didn't remember growing to like another person as much as he did right now ever since Chie stepped into his life. His parents always worried that he had too little friends (real ones, that is. Not the pretend-friends made from business) so maybe this would appease them.

Currently, they were discussing hunting skills, now that they were in a bit of a more intimate location. They had been strolling on the outskirts of town, not caring if these parts were sketchier because they did _not_ consider themselves to be anything close to weak. Other people steered clear, though, so now they could talk a bit more freely.

Rize found a bench to sit upon, sighing in relief as she freed her feet from the horrid cages called heels. "Yeah, but it doesn't really matter much since you're going to cut it up anyways. A quick stab to the heart should shut them up, right?" She argued.

"While that may be true, wouldn't you agree the heart is a delicacy that is not to be wasted if possible?" Tsukiyama sat next to her, crossing his arms over his polka-dotted chest.

"Heart's pretty good. I guess. But it's just food in the end. I'll just find some runaway kid or something if I want a midnight snack," She waved him off. The male ghoul tried not to let his disgust show on his face, but as usual, Rize saw through him and laughed. "You're such a baby, Tsukiyama. Specifically picking out which human you want, cutting them up and serving them on plates. Aren't you acting a lot like a human?"

Tsukiyama opened his mouth to object, rage suddenly flashing through his eyes, but was cut off.

"It's a bit pitiful, if you ask me. Still, you're fun to talk to. If you want to learn how to hunt like a _real_ ghoul, you know where to find me," Then Rize laughed as she took her heels in hand, not caring of the hot concrete underneath. She then jumped onto a nearby roof using her kagune to propel her.

In the back of Tsukiyama's mind, he dully noted that at least Rize knew how to leave in style. The comment, however, was drowned out by the following waves of anger washing out all reason in the ghoul's head.

* * *

That night, Tsukiyama had stormed his way home. Or, at least he thought so, but when he looked up, he saw gigantic iron gates. Seems like Tsukiyama had been so blind with rage that he hadn't even noticed he'd walked all the way to the manor. Seeing as he was already there, he figured he might as well go in. Maybe a conversation with his younger servant would help calm him down.

He stormed past the gates, down the smooth driveway and past the neatly kept garden surrounding imposing wooden double doors. He only barely refrained from slamming them closed so as to not disturb anyone. The troubled ghoul looked around warily, and upon finding no one in the near vicinity, made his way towards the kitchen. He began the process of brewing coffee- needing to do _something_ \- but couldn't seem to pour the water in without splashing it everywhere. He was about to give up when a petite hand placed itself over his own, the gentle but firm grip steadying him.

Tsukiyama looked to his side to see Kanae's smiling face, eyes a bit worried. "Shuu-sama. I didn't know you were going to visit," Kanae spoke softly, completely avoiding the bigger issue. "Should I prepare your rooms?"

The Gourmet exhaled and stepped away, letting the smaller take over and shooting him a grateful smile. "I didn't know myself either, actually. It was an impulsive thing. It doesn't inconvenience you, does it?"

 "Nonsense! Now come, take a seat. The coffee should be ready in a few minutes," he waved over to burgundy stools at the kitchen island. Tsukiyama conceded and sat, hunching over in his seat. The silence that followed was a bit strained, but Kanae tried to pay it no mind. Once he brought a cup over, he asked politely, "Is something the matter, Shuu-sama?"

Tsukiyama sighed heavily. It was strange how Kanae's presence could easily calm him down like that, but it was something he'd stopped questioning a long time ago. He just came to get a clearer mind, not to think about matters that enraged him.

Ah well, Kanae was always sharp, sharper than he let on. Sometimes he forgot about that.

Maybe he'd indulge a bit.

"It's that woman, the one I told you about."

"Ah, Kamishiro-san, was it?"

"That's the one," The young master nodded. "Go ahead and say it now. Say 'I told you so'. You were right."

"Shuu-sama-" Kanae began with a slight pout.

"I thought we were fine acquaintances, dare I say good friends? No, it seemed she was simply mocking me. 'Behaving like a human' she said. The nerve!" Tsukiyama tightened his grip on his cup, becoming irritated once more.

The other noticed his knuckles turning white and uttered a small, "Careful now," as he silently urged Tsukiyama to continue.

He re-stated what Rize had said, to which Kanae frowned and asked whether Tsukiyama would continue to see her. The latter only grunted, and Kanae didn't push the matter because it was not in his place to do so. The only thing Kanae could do was offer more coffee.

And so the two sat under the dim lighting of the kitchen, brewing in their own thoughts.

* * *

Tsukiyama had ended up staying overnight and now stood in the middle of their garden. He took a moment to inhale the variety of different flowers, feel the gust of wind ruffle violet strands. He heard familiar footsteps travel across the tastefully placed, cobbled path, but stayed facing forward to await the other’s arrival.

"I hope you are well-rested," Kanae appeared by Tsukiyama's side, discreetly trying to see whatever the young master had been gazing at.

"Mn, not as much as I'd like to be," He had turned towards Kanae, suddenly scrutinizing him. The younger refrained from fidgeting- like he was taught not to do- but alarm still made itself clear in his expression. Tsukiyama chuckled, glad to see progress in the servant. He simply turned back to stare at... whatever he had been staring at before, then leaned sideways into Kanae.

"You've grown. If I tried to pull this on you when you first came here, I would've toppled you over!" Tsukiyama laughed musically above the short servant's head.

Kanae huffed; trying not to sound too indignant even while his face felt like it was on fire. "I'm not a child anymore, Shuu-sama!"

"No, no, of course not. I thought that's what I was proving," He teased.

The servant bit his lip, not trusting his voice any longer. He subtly leaned back into Tsukiyama. They stayed like that for who knows how long. To Kanae, it felt all too short when Tsukiyama spoke up again. "I think I'll go visit a special little café today, see how the _antipathique_ missus is doing."

 Kanae felt like his master shouldn't lower his standards by going to such a place- because he knew exactly what Tsukiyama was talking about- but didn't voice his opinions. He knew once Tsukiyama had his mind set on something, you couldn't convince him otherwise. Sometimes it was endearing. Sometimes, not so much; like right now.

Still, Kanae dutifully nodded, felt Tsukiyama's chin bump into his scalp and tried not to jolt too high. 

 

Once Tsukiyama had left, Kanae began attending to the unfinished inventory of meat. He let his mind wander while he jotted down numbers, numbly putting different body parts into categories. He thought back to when he saw Tsukiyama standing there in the garden, looking so peaceful. He remembered observing him for a few minutes, imprinting the image into his brain. All of a sudden, he felt all mellow and warm inside, if that made sense.

It didn't, not to him, not really, but that's the only way he could describe it. He tried to be as smooth as Tsukiyama could be with the spoken word, but he wasn't sure if he could ever get to that level. Still, if he could get closer to the young master like that, he'd try it.

_Ah, is it wrong of me to hope things don't go smoothly so that he may come to the manor sooner?_ Kanae guiltily wondered.

* * *

Perhaps the gods had heard Kanaes' thoughts, because Tsukiyama came back a few days later.

"Ah, Shuu-sama! I did not expect you back this quick, but you are just in time for dinner-"

"No need for that," the bustling ghoul interrupted, manila folder in hand. "Would you hand me a pen, dear Kanae?" He held a palm upwards as he distractedly sat in a plush couch and began spreading forms out on a coffee table.

Kanae spluttered, unused to the nickname but decided not to comment on it as he did what was asked of him. Putting off his embarrassment for the time-being, he let curiosity get the better of him and asked what all this was about.

Tsukiyama laughed. "I'm enrolling in Kamii University."

Kanae gave him a blank stare. Surely he must be joking.

"I know that look, but just trust me on this one. I happened to meet the most _magnifique_  dish out there, someone who goes by the name of... Kaneki-san! No, Kaneki-kun!" The taller placed a slender hand over a royal purple fringe. He began sifting through the sheets and signing them in elegant handwriting. Then he noticed Kanae's doubtful look and continued offhandedly, "It is very much worth the effort, believe me."

"With all due respect, I find it a bit worrisome that you seem to trust a person so easily, Shuu-sama. Just the other day..."

"Yes, yes I know. But this is different. Kaneki-kun is a lovely meal, the other one was a ghoul. I don't befriend my food," Tsukiyama reasoned, thought it over and then corrected, "At least not for long, anyways. I appreciate the concern, Kanae. But truly, I'll be fine," He directed a bright smile towards his servant and continued to complete the paperwork.

Kanae worried his lip, but only gave out an obligatory, "Yes, Shuu-sama," and excused himself from the room.


	2. Tsukiyama Was a Cute Kid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Kanae gets the short end of the stick and Tsukiyama isn't as horrible at comforting people as we thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this one's admittedly longer than my usual chapter length, but ideas kept coming to me and I just rolled with it. Also, GRAY EYES

Tsukiyama couldn't decide which one he liked more. The Kaneki of the past was a sweet little lamb, easily impressed and extremely trusting. The female scent exuding from Kaneki's form intoxicated him (though it was similar to Rize, it was different enough that he could overlook it) and left his mouth dry; pushed Tsukiyama closer, encouraged him to take a bite. His hunched-over stature and occasional stammering made Tsukiyama want to shield him from the rest of the world and make the black-haired teen his and _only_ his.

Then there was the Kaneki of the present, whose scent was a mixture of Rize, Jason, and something sweetly metallic. It was very intense, and always had Tsukiyama on his toes. Tsukiyama had to admit, he very much liked the thrill of it all; the dangerous glint in the now white-haired adult’s (for Tsukiyama didn't believe he could call Kaneki a teen any longer, regardless of human rules) eyes, daring anyone to say the wrong thing to him. The Gourmet liked to see how far he could push until Kaneki snapped.

Every now and then, Tsukiyama would see a glimpse of the old Kaneki, usually a sweet smile directed to the flower princess or the calm, focused expression when reading his favored genre of literature. It was at these moments that he wondered if things could've been different if he had not lied to Kaneki and it was then that he regretted it for the millionth time. Though Tsukiyama lamented out loud multiple times, he was usually ignored or refuted. The past week or so, he stopped getting any responses at all, and these sweet moments were becoming fewer and farther in between.

 MM sighed, wondering if this much effort was even worth one meal. He sat on a beige couch, openly observing the object of his thoughts as Kaneki prepared coffee in the apartment's kitchen. He traced the hard ridges of Kaneki’s biceps with his eyes and decided,  _yes,_ it was worth it.

* * *

Meanwhile, a different violet-haired ghoul sat brooding over different worries. Kanae was sifting through mail, separating business letters from formal invitations into two small piles on a mahogany table. His eyes roved over the contents and his hands absently set them into their own respective places, but his mind was elsewhere.

Tsukiyama had never spent so much time away from the manor at once. Kanae knew the day would come when the young master would grow independent and no longer have to visit much, and he was prepared for it. Never like this, though. He never thought Tsukiyama would be so utterly mesmerized by a simple meal that he'd put everything aside for it. (He deems 'Kaneki-kun' an it because that's all it is, a meal, a walking bag of blood and flesh barely worthy of Tsukiyama's tastes.) He had sacrificed so much time and effort for the chance of having a bite. Honestly, Kanae thought he should just stop pursuing it. From what little Tsukiyama had confided in Kanae, the servant knew it wouldn't put it's trust in Tsukiyama again.

It was so painfully clear, yet Tsukiyama kept trying. It was like trying to wear a boulder down with a plastic fork; the fork would break before it got two inches past the surface. And Kanae would stop Tsukiyama before he broke.

.... At least that's what he told himself, but every time Kanae tried to steer the young master in the right direction, he would always get denied. Invitations to the restaurant were swiftly refused, formal balls that were not absolutely mandatory were overlooked and friendly dinners were shoved away. The servant kept trying to come up with intriguing new events, filled with the ultimate delicacies and ghouls who Tsukiyama had favored before, but they were never given a second thought. Kanae grew frustrated, he didn't know how to calmly speak to his superior without a hint of anger slipping in. It seemed like Tsukiyama would only reciprocate, sending Kanae away when he was no longer needed, never making time to have a pleasant chat anymore.

Kanae had his own regrets, too. He regretted talking to Tsukiyama that way, he regretted not fully appreciating his time before with his master. But most of all, he regretted allowing Tsukiyama to go visit that damn café. If he had just talked him out of it, convinced him to stay another night, even. He would never have even met it.

There was little the young servant could do now. He looked at the pile of invitations, fleetingly hoping that perhaps Tsukiyama would accept just one and notice the rest of the world for once.

* * *

The day started off like any other day. Get up, (try to) politely decline requests from Kanae, visit the apartment and maybe have a chat with the little lady, and maybe read a book or two. That was the routine by now, something Tsukiyama was decidedly getting used to. Every now and then, the schedule would be broken to help with small missions, or perhaps some training with Kaneki.

The Tsukiyama of the past would've felt disgusted at the fact he wasn't putting himself out there anymore, doing something  _useful_ , or at the very least something recreational. The Tsukiyama now still wasn't fully content in his role of things, but he stubbornly set aside his discomfort if it meant he could gain some belief back. He numbly wondered if this much obsessing over food was healthy, but well, he was called the Gourmet for a reason.

At the moment, he was sitting across from Banjou and Hinami, scanning over a message sent to Kaneki. He grimaced. The half-ghoul wouldn't like this news.

"Flower man, flower man! Won't you watch this movie with me? It's a classic!" Hinami had appeared before him, waving around what seemed to be a slasher film. 

 Tsukiyama laughed, if a bit nervously. "I.. I would love to, my lady, but um," Here he pointedly looked down at his silver watch. "It's getting a bit late, isn't it? Princesses need a lot of sleep so they can continue to look as sweet as you do!"

Predictably, the brunette blushed, but was undeterred. She began with a pout, "It's not that late. Besides, these movies are best when it's dark!"

"Hm," Tsukiyama tapped his chin. "Perhaps Banjoi-san would like to join us?" He suggested, looking across the room to smile innocently at the other. Banjou glared and opened his mouth to correct him, and possibly try to weasel his way out of it, too, but was cut off by Hinami's cheerful agreements.

"That'd be nice! Right, Banjou-san?" She smiled at him, then went to go put in the DVD without waiting for a reply. As the trailers started up, Hinami went to go lie down on one of the couches, oblivious to Banjou's heated glare and Tsukiyama's smirk.

Lightning flashed on the small TV, pulling the older ghouls out of their silent war and making the two jump. Banjou set his mouth in a firm line, determined to keep a straight face from then on while Tsukiyama gingerly adjusted his already-perfect hair.

Behind them, a small chuckle was heard. Kaneki stepped out from the doorway, seemingly having witnessed the whole event and had been amused. "Good afternoon, you two," He nodded towards Banjou and Hinami.

"Onii-chan!" The girl's expression lit up upon seeing Kaneki's arrival. "We were just about to watch a movie, do you want to watch it with us?"

Kaneki looked at the bearded ghoul's uncomfortable expression, then at the violet-haired ghoul's embarrassed expression, and shook his head. "I wish I could, but I've got to borrow Tsukiyama-san for a second. If that's all right with you."

Hinami deflated a bit, but brightened back up once she realized Kaneki had smiled. "Sure, I've still got Banjou-san to keep me company!"

Kaneki nodded, mouthed an apology to the eldest there and looked expectantly to the other.

Tsukiyama was lead towards the basement, to where their training usually took place. Once the white-haired ghoul closed the door, Tsukiyama released his laughter. Kaneki looked impatiently towards him, waiting for him to calm down (and try not to laugh himself). After he regained control over himself, Kaneki nodded at the paper still being clutched by Tsukiyama's slender hands.

"What's that?"

The Gourmet seemed to remember what he was supposed to do in the first place, furrowing his eyebrows as he gave the message to Kaneki. He watched as gray eyes scanned over the letters, growing more agitated by the second.

In an attempt to not let the lighter mood be easily killed, he asked, "Was there something you needed me for, Kaneki-kun?"

The shorter of the two simply ripped the letter up, letting paper shards flutter to the ground. "I was going to ask for some more training," He stared intensely at a spot behind Tsukiyama, eyes narrowing and fists balling up. "I'll give it my all today," He concluded.

The other gulped

* * *

Tsukiyama liked to think he was a good fighter. He started learning how to use his kagune at a very young age, and before that he was already trained in hand-to-hand combat. So he couldn't help but be a bit annoyed that someone who had only had their kagune for less than a year was slowly but surely backing Tsukiyama into a corner he couldn't get out of.

They had been at it for a few hours now- at least that's what Tsukiyama's mental clock told him, but he was never sure of anything when around Kaneki- and to say he was getting tired was an understatement. The half-ghoul on the other hand, still seemed to be filled with rage. He attacked ruthlessly, never letting up and always pushing forwards. He barely gave the taller a chance to be on the offensive now. Kaneki didn't look like he was going to stop anytime soon, either. Tsukiyama laughed bitterly when he realized that now that Kaneki wanted to stay longer with him, Tsukiyama didn't feel up for the task.

Of course, Kaneki took that in the wrong way, gray eyes flashing as he delivered hit after hit at an even faster pace. It was abrupt to say the least, and in the split second Tsukiyama took to adjust, Kaneki spotted an opening and shot forward. The trainer flew back and hit a wall, moldy and decaying pieces of brick cascading over him. He winced, knowing he might've broken a bone or two but it was nothing that couldn't heal given enough time and sustenance. Planting his hands on the grimy floor to push himself up, he tried preparing for another onslaught of well-placed hits but stopped midway through.

Kaneki's scent suddenly got closer, made more pungent with the added smell of blood and sweat. Tsukiyama looked up, noticed the other crouched over him; damp bangs sticking to his forehead and small lips partly open in a pant. Tsukiyama felt lightheaded with the sensory overload.

"K-Kaneki-kun, what are-"

"Here," the trainee stood and offered his hand, looking down expectantly at the injured ghoul. Tsukiyama stared blankly for a second, his expression shifting to disbelief and then to ecstatic joy in mere seconds. Before Kaneki could change his mind, he took his hand and was pulled up quickly.

Perhaps a bit too quickly.

Tsukiyama saw the room blur, teetered on the balls of his feet but regained his balance lest he make a fool out of himself. He rubbed the back of his head, wincing once more. He peered through out-of-place strands of hair and thought he saw Kaneki's eyes soften, but that was probably from his vision still being a little wonky.

" _Merci_ ," Tsukiyama nodded at the other.

"Yeah, I think we're done for the day," Kaneki made his way up the stairs, then stopped to turn and regard him with thinned lips. "You can take your shower here if you want, I need to go do something first."

Dumbfounded, Tsukiyama replied with an uncharacteristically meek, "Yes," and watched his black-clad back recede and disappear as he turned around a corner.

* * *

He stood under the spray of water as he observed the alignment of shampoo bottles, wondering what would be the safest. He assumed the neon pink and green bottle with a watermelon design on it was Hinami's, but the rest were generic enough that he couldn't really guess. He grabbed one at random and popped the lid, lifting it under his nose to inspect. It smelled familiar...

Ah, as luck would have it, this particular one seemed to be Kaneki's.

... There was nothing wrong with Tsukiyama indulging a little bit, right?

But. Tsukiyama didn't want to push it and risk losing this privilege. Usually, Kaneki made Tsukiyama go straight home after their sparring sessions, taking the shower to himself and saying they should call it a night then and there. So for Kaneki to offer the chance to clean up at the apartment to him was slightly far-fetched.

Yet, here Tsukiyama was, lathering the half-ghoul's shampoo into his own violet locks. He began wondering, was it just pity?

Either way, he'd still see it as a step forward. This gave him hope, renewed his vigor and would keep him trying to win Kaneki over.

He thought he could see victory on the horizon.

* * *

The gods must have been smiling down on Tsukiyama that day, because when he stepped out of the shower, he noticed a fresh set of clothes hanging on the doorknob. He was extremely grateful for this, not exactly wanting to put on his sweaty and dirty outfit from before on. When he put them on, he was pleasantly surprised to find out they fit quite nice. They were plain, yes, but clean. Tsukiyama guessed they might've been Banjou's seeing as how they were a little big on him, but they didn't completely swamp him.

He supposed he should thank Banjou next time he saw him, even if he didn't really want to have to talk to him.

Regardless, he resolved to go home right away and make sure to wash them.

Once he walked into the living room, he noticed Kaneki sitting on one of the couches, seemingly lost in thought. Tsukiyama was about to thank him and say his farewell, but the odd look Kaneki was giving him made him backtrack. Instead, he asked, "Kaneki-kun? Is something the matter?"

The one sitting down startled out of his reverie, coming back to reality. "Sorry. You just... look different when you're not all dressed up," he explained offhandedly.

Tsukiyama panicked internally. Was that a bad thing? He didn't know but he would try to keep his cool demeanor. "Do you prefer me in my usual clothes?" He looked down and observed the gray sweatpants and baby blue T-shirt he had donned on before continuing, "I'll be back to my normal self tomorrow so you don't have to worry about that."

Kaneki grunted out, "You look fine either way, it doesn't really matter."

Well. The taller ghoul didn't know what to make of that. He just nodded his goodbye and left for the day, not trusting himself to not ruin the good mood Kaneki seemed to be in. 

* * *

It had been two months since he had last seen his young master, and Kanae was getting worried. Of course, Tsukiyama had no obligation to check in, but Kanae was just so used to seeing him around the manor every once in a while. They never talked much when they happened to run into each other, but Kanae was slowly getting used to that.

Just a word or two directed his way was enough for the servant, thinking it was better than nothing.

And so he surprised even his own self when he happened to walk just a little too close to Tsukiyama and brush past him, catching a whiff of vanilla and abruptly calling out, "Did you change your cologne?'

Tsukiyama stopped in his tracks and turned towards Kanae. He smiled. "Sharp as ever, Kanae. Close, but no, it was my shampoo."

"I see. Would you want us to keep a bottle of the new stuff here for you?"

The other seemed to ponder it for a minute, then decidedly shook his head as he concluded, "No, it was more of a one-time thing. I just borrowed some from... a friend."

Kanae wrinkled his nose at that, almost couldn't believe the master would fall to such a level. He thought back to the trash Tsukiyama had been increasingly hanging around and blamed it for making the Gourmet stoop so low.

"I understand," He replied in an even tone, though his fingernails dug into the tender flesh of his palms. Then, he seemed to remember something and tacked on a request. "Shuu-sama, a new shipment of Vietnamese coffee beans has arrived. Would you like to try some?" Kanae hoped the smile on his face wasn't as forced as it felt.

"Oh my, I would love to but," Tsukiyama glanced at the ornate clock on the wall behind him. "I should be heading home. I only dropped by to check on some things, after all. Perhaps another time?"

"Yes, of course, Shuu-sama," Kanae gritted out.

"Wonderful! Well, I shall be seeing you another day!" And with that, the ghoul took his leave, oblivious to Kanae's discomforted concern.

So the servant resumed his duties for the day, but not without casting forlorn glances at the foreign containers sitting on the kitchen counter every time he passed by.

* * *

Another month had slugged its way by, with Kaneki only becoming colder; his eyes would no longer light up as he spoke to Hinami, they would only become creased with worry. To everyone else, he remained stoic, only ever giving way to show searing anger or detached passiveness. He seemed so determined to find answers, find Kanou and everyone else connected to him.

Tsukiyama admired that driven desire for, what he assumed, revenge. He knew he would stay by Kaneki’s side till the very end, even if everyone else left. Yet, he was feeling anxious. Was it really worth hunting down these people, ones that seemed to be pulling so many strings and having so many connections? Every lead they followed either turned out to be a dead end or led to more questions.

Kaneki was working himself ragged, desperate to find the truth. Tsukiyama had to admit, he was curious, too. 

He decided he would stay true to Kaneki, hoping to sate first his curiosity and then his hunger when the time came.

Speaking of hunger, it was at that moment when Tsukiyama's stomach grumbled. He grimaced. He stood up to make another cup of coffee, but knew he'd have to go hunting soon. Ever since the restaurant got destroyed, it's been harder to obtain meat. Especially now that the CCG were being vigilant.

Tsukiyama didn't mind hunting, it was actually quite nice, good for the stress. But he had never had to provide for so many people at the same time. Of course, he could ask his family for help, but he didn't like feeling like a burden. Perhaps it was a bit cowardly of himself, but the act of asking for help always had bruised his ego.

As a result, the Gourmet was having to resort to less-than-perfect targets, but if the residents of the apartment noticed, they never voiced any objections. 

Tsukiyama's belly rumbled once again as he prepared the coffee, and he glared down at it, trying to will it into silence. "Oh shut up, you," he whispered heatedly. Then, he heard a chuckle from behind him, and he swiveled around to see a certain half-ghoul standing in the doorway, looking amused. Tsukiyama flushed in embarrassment, suddenly hit with a wave of déjà-vu. 

"Kaneki-kun! I didn't hear you come in... Would you like a cup of coffee?" The violet-haired ghoul asked in order to hide his mortification.

Kaneki shook his head. Then, he gave Tsukiyama an once-over before asking, "When's the last time you ate?"

Though the words were spoken impassively, Tsukiyama felt his chest swell. "Oh no, there's no need to worry about me,  _mon chéri._ I was planning on going hunting after this anyways," he tried to dismissively wave off, even as he felt giddy that Kaneki had expressed concern for him.

The shorter nodded and turned to leave, but then stopped and said in a small voice, "Thanks for bringing us food, by the way. I know you don't have to and I know it must be hard, so thanks or whatever."

Those were his parting words, and with that, he immediately left the kitchen and went off to do his own business.

Tsukiyama stood at the counter, letting the words sink in and almost spilling his coffee when he became jittery and flustered.

* * *

And yet another month passed, with little occurrences. Kaneki had gone to visit a group of people, gotten some answers and new leads. It wasn't much, but Tsukiyama felt like they were getting closer. As for earning Kaneki's trust back, Tsukiyama thought that was making quite some progress as well. Though the white-haired ghoul shunned him in public or in front of others (Tsukiyama speculated that was a mixture of keeping up appearances and Kaneki's strong penchant for not wanting to appear weak), when it was just the two, he seemed to open up more.

Tsukiyama thought back to the day the nightly meet-ups started, smiling fondly. It had been late, coming back from a mission. The rest of the group had bee-lined their way into their own respective rooms, probably collapsing on their beds and resolving to take some much needed sleep. However, Tsukiyama didn't have a room there so he instead made himself comfortable on a couch in the living room. He didn't know why he followed them all the way to the apartment, when he could've easily parted ways with them and go to his own, comfy place. Perhaps he wanted to covertly check whether Kaneki was ok, stealing glances and observing if he could move around easily without looking like he was in pain.

It was always hard to tell, because Kaneki hid everything under that calm mask of his.

Still, Tsukiyama followed and ended up here; sprawled not-so-elegantly across beige cushions and with his hair in disarray. He closed his eyes, figuring he could rest here a little to bring up the energy to walk back home.

He caught Kaneki's scent a split second before he felt something warm drape over him. His eyes snapped open, taking in the sight of Kaneki leaning over him, black coat in hand. The half-ghoul startled, letting go of the coat and accidentally letting it fall over the other’s face.

Under the darkness, Tsukiyama heard Kaneki's voice lightly sprinkled with... what seemed to be apprehension? "I-I thought you had already fallen asleep. Um... Sorry if I woke you up."

Amethyst eyes poked up from under the coat. "I was simply resting for a bit, I wasn't planning on sleeping here," His voice became a bit muffled but it was understandable enough. "Although... If I had, you would have let me stay here?"

Kaneki looked away, glared at a spot on the wall. "Well it's not like we have a place for you here, and I know the fight was rough so I figured I'd go easy on you. For today."

Tsukiyama smiled under warm fabric, feeling extremely grateful. He was about to express his gratitude when Kaneki did the second unexpected act of that night. He walked over to the love-seat in front of Tsukiyama, and plopped down.

Kaneki must've noticed the strange look the older was giving him, because he chuckled underneath his breath. "Is it that strange for me to want some company around?"

The ghoul under the coat pulled the fabric down to his chin. "Well... it's just..."

Kaneki's eyes suddenly turned cold. "Yeah, I know. I've changed, or whatever. If I was antisocial before," He grimaced, thinking his words over again before continuing, "all this happened, then I'm completely antisocial now. I get it."

Tsukiyama felt something in his chest falter at Kaneki's somber words, clutched onto (what he now realized as _Kaneki's own coat_ ) black sleeves and bit his lip. " _Non_ , I didn't mean it like that, Kaneki-kun. I just..." He _did_ mean it like that, but maybe not put like that. He thought of a different thing to argue. "I must not be the ideal company you wanted."

The silence ensued afterwards was slightly uncomfortable. Tsukiyama didn't think Kaneki would answer, so he closed his eyes again, resigned himself to a nap.

He almost let sleep engulf him, but Kaneki's' words pulled him out from under. "I wouldn't say ideal. Just... everyone else treats me like I'm some fragile little butterfly. They walk on eggshells around me, give me looks when they think I'm not looking. Hinami tries to talk to me normally, but I can tell I'm worrying her. I... I don't want to do that to her," He was observing his hands in his lap, palms up. Then, his gaze slowly shifted over to the violet-haired ghoul's form. "At least you treat me like a normal hum-" He stopped, realizing what he was about to say and frowned.

"The thing is, I like feeling that I can talk to you normally and you won't look at me like I'm some lost puppy," Kaneki leaned back, put his arm over his eyes and groaned. "I am _still_ so bad with words."

Tsukiyama laughed, felt the need to go over and remove that pesky arm keeping him from appreciating Kaneki's lovely eyes but pushed that urge down. Instead, he settled for, "I understand what you mean. And I... I wish I could help you with that, but I don't know what to say." He looked over at him, giving him an imploring look but Kaneki was oblivious seeing as he still took shelter underneath his arm. So he continued, "Kaneki-kun, we _are_ worried about you, but that's why we're sticking around. To help you. If... if you get your questions answered, and that's enough for you, then we'll do all we can to make sure you get the truth."

The shorter of the two sighed, brought his arm down and fixed Tsukiyama with a content gaze. Thought his lips weren't smiling, his eyes were. Tsukiyama didn't know how he could do that, but it was Kaneki, so he figured of course he could manage the impossible. "Thanks for that," He said, then shifted to make himself more comfortable and began, "You remind me of a dog I once had, did I ever tell you that?"

The other didn't know if he should feel insulted or grateful. "I do not believe so."

"I had him when I first started out in college, because my aunt never let me have any pets as a child so I thought I might as well get one when I moved out. My friend, Hide, called him Beethoven because he looked like the dog from a movie we watched when we were little, and it just sort of stuck."

"How nice. What happened to him?" Tsukiyama regretted asking as soon as the words were out of his mouth. Kaneki looked down, white strands obscuring his face.

"I came home from college one day and he was just gone. Hide and I tried looking everywhere for him, he even made these," Here, Kaneki chuckled. "these dumb 'lost dog' posters with a picture of me cuddling Beethoven and put them up all around town. I remember being so embarrassed at the time," He shook his head, smiling at the memory. "We never did find him."

"I... I am so sorry."

Kaneki waved him off. "It's fine. These things happen. Although, after that, I never bothered getting another pet. I think I was too scared to try again."

Tsukiyama didn't know what to say. He didn't want to offer fake condolences, but he still felt like he had to say something. He opened his mouth to reply, probably something along the lines of 'I wouldn't leave you', but Kaneki beat him to it.

"I don't even know why I'm telling you all this, you must be dead tired," He laughed bitterly.

Tsukiyama shook his head quickly. "Kaneki-kun, you can always tell me these things, anything you want, really. I'll stop whatever I'm doing just to listen to you. If nothing else, they're interesting and I want to hear your stories!"

Kaneki looked away, avoided his gaze. "Oh, they're not _that_ interesting."

"Nonsense! I wish to hear more!" He declared.

Kaneki looked out the window and blanched. Tsukiyama turned to see what made Kaneki do that. He made a similar expression. The first rays of sunlight were peeking in through the dark clouds, the sky significantly lighter than when they had first arrived at the apartment. "Did we really talk for that long?" the half-ghoul asked unbelieving.

"Perhaps we just got here later than we thought?" Tsukiyama suggested. Then, he (regrettably) brushed the coat off him and began to stand up. "I believe it's high-time for me to leave, but I had a great time talking to you, Kaneki-kun. Maybe we can do it ag-"

"Wait."

Tsukiyama paused, looked over and was surprised to see Kaneki openly expressing what looked like.. a mixture of alarm and worry. Sadly, he quickly covered up it again under his mask, but he continued anyways, "I mean... you can stay here, if you want. You're going to be back here in a few hours anyways so it's just easier like this," He stood, too. "W-well. At least I think so. I'm not stopping you from leaving. I just-"

The taller smiled. "Of course, I'd be so grateful if you could let me stay."

Kaneki tried not to look so relieved. Then, tried not to look so disappointed when Tsukiyama continued, "On one condition."

"What is it?"

"You keep telling me these stories of yours."

Tsukiyama could've sworn he saw a bit of pink dusting grace the apples of Kaneki's' cheeks as he agreed and all but sprinted up the stairs.

* * *

He smiled as he stood in front of Kaneki's bedroom door, a cup of freshly brewed coffee in one hand and the other raised to knock on the door. Ever since then, Tsukiyama had been staying late at night to hear Kaneki re-count his experiences. They opted to use the shorter's room for this, seeing as he didn't like the idea of the others finding out he was spending so much time with the ghoul. At first, Kaneki seemed reluctant, and Tsukiyama looked like he was trying to contain himself, but they both got comfortable enough after a few nights. Some nights were somber, Kaneki hesitantly telling the other about how his aunt never cared much for him, how no one seemed to want him. Other nights were cheerful, like how Kaneki told him about Hide barging into his life and putting him into embarrassing situations.

Tsukiyama vaguely remembered a blonde hanging around Kaneki when they first met, but they had never talked before. To know that person had such an impact on Kaneki's life made him re-evaluate the human, but still, the ugly, thorned tendrils of jealousy kept their hold on him tightly; poking into his sides and digging into his skin. He tried not to let it show.

Pushing that aside, Tsukiyama prepared to call out but was stopped when he heard a sob emanate from the other side of the door. Worry stricken, Tsukiyama flung the door open. He was not prepared for what he saw.

Kaneki sat on his bed, knees curled up to support his chin and blankets only partly covering him. His shoulders were shaking, and he bit his lip trying to keep the hiccuping sounds spilling from his mouth but utterly failing. In his hand, he held what seemed to be a photograph. His red-rimmed eyes were solely focused on the photo, but he must've heard Tsukiyama enter because he didn't flinch when the older moved closer and sat in front of him.

Tsukiyama looked over at what had Kaneki so captivated, and sure enough, it depicted a younger version of Kaneki with a blonde boy to his side, arm slung around him. Upon further inspection, he noticed they had splotches of green paint covering their faces and aprons, and looked in the background to see what looked like a newly painted room. Who he assumed was Hide had a huge grin on his face, looking proud while Kaneki had on a more demure smile but still looked equally proud.

Seeing a tear wet the surface, Tsukiyama gently pried the photo from Kaneki's pale hands and set it aside on the bedside table. As much as he envied Hide, he knew this was probably a very prized possession of Kaneki and he didn't want it getting ruined. It also helped not being able to see how happy Kaneki looked to be with someone that was _not_ Tsukiyama Shuu.

He reached out to grab ahold of his chin, gently raised his tear-stained face to look at Tsukiyama's worried one. He saw cold, unseeing gray eyes, and slack lips open slightly in a pout. "Kaneki?" Tsukiyama risked leaving out the honorific, hoping that would get a reaction out of him. Luckily, Kaneki snapped back to reality and now seemed to _really_ look at him. The ghoul wanted to hide from the intensity of the stare, but stayed put for Kaneki's sake.

"Coffee?" Tsukiyama held out the cup, steam still rising from the dark liquid. He smiled sheepishly, making Kaneki give a broken laugh. He nodded jerkily, then attempted to take the cup from him with shaky hands. Fearing he would spill it over himself and the bed- possibly scalding him- he placed tan hands over pale ones and steadied Kaneki's grip so that he may sip the hot drink safely. The half-ghoul let Tsukiyama take the cup back to hold, not trusting himself with it.

Tsukiyama cleared his throat. "Would you... would you like to talk about it?" He'd never had to comfort anyone before, other than Kanae, but Kanae was still a child back then and children were easier to understand, easier to calm their base emotions.

Kaneki, on the other hand, was so convoluted and had so many nameless emotions swirling around him in a tornado of unease, worry, regret and other things Tsukiyama couldn't quite seem to place.

He had the urge to pull the crying half-ghoul into an embrace, pat his messy white mop of hair and run his hands up and down his back because he didn't know what he could say in a situation like this. But he knew Kaneki had grown a bit touch aversive since he came back from Aogiri's hideout, and he knew if he was the one to initiate anything the other could snap.

Tsukiyama was surprised Kaneki was even letting him be so close to him in the first place, and though he liked pushing him with banter, this was where he would not cross any lines.

Kaneki was taking a long time to respond, but Tsukiyama had learned to be patient with him from past experiences. After he calmed down a little, Kaneki glanced up at the other, half-glaring and trying to put as much venom into his words as possible. "I swear, if you tell anyone about this, I'll chop you to pieces and feed you to the sharks."

"I wouldn't dream of it! Besides, what would I gain from it?" Tsukiyama tried to reassure.

The younger looked down at his plain bedsheets for a while, thinking it over. "Let's make a compromise," He offered, glancing back up at Tsukiyama for a second, seeing him nod and lean forward a bit. "Tell me one of your stories. You never mention anything from when you were younger."

Tsukiyama stalled, knowing it would come to this eventually but wanting to put if off as much as possible. It wasn't as if he had a horrible childhood, he was never physically abused but...

He didn't want to think about it. Instead, he would resolve to tell him of a happier time, making it easier on himself while it was beneficial to Kaneki.

He re-told the story of how when he was but a child, he was always curious as to what a crêpe tasted like. He and his parents were out window shopping when they passed by a couple carrying some of the pastries and were praising the taste. Tsukiyama, being the bold kid that he was, ran up to the couple and asked if it really was as good as it seemed. They laughed good-naturedly, even as the ghouls' parents tried to stop him and kept apologizing profusely. The woman had crouched down to Tsukiyama's level, patting his head and holding out the wrapped dessert in her hand for him to take a bite.

She didn't expect the child to puke on her platform shoes.

Tsukiyama's parents were beyond mortified, pulled Tsukiyama aside and bowed to the young couple, offering to pay for the shoes and more. They made up some excuse about Tsukiyama being sick at the moment and not being able to hold food down for long, or something like that. He had blocked a lot from his mind.

It was extremely embarrassing, and Tsukiyama had never told a soul, but he figured it was worth re-living the horrid experience when Kaneki had at some point stopped sniffling and started laughing instead.

Actually _laughing_.

The older marveled at the sound, thinking to himself that Kaneki really should laugh more. It suited him. Brightened up his eyes and made him more vibrant.

"Oh man, I thought _I_ was the only one who couldn't handle human food as bad as that. Wow, Tsukiyama, you sounded like you were a cute kid," He shook his head, reached out to take the cooled down coffee from Tsukiyama's lap.

He blinked, then flushed, not only at the comment but thinking, 'are we at that name basis, then?' and then scoffed, tried to play it off. "Even as a kid I was destined to be the famous Gourmet, you can't blame me."

Kaneki hummed. "You're just picky, like a spoiled brat," He concluded.

Tsukiyama shot his head up, glaring at the shorter and about to launch into multiple reasons as to why he was _not_ a spoiled brat and how he deserved only the best of delicacies when he saw Kaneki's smirk and paused. He saw the last of the sunlight dancing in Kaneki's' usually gray irises, now melting into his old chocolate brown hue, back before he started pushing everyone away. Kaneki was goading him, tempting him to strike back, defend himself. Tsukiyama didn't know Kaneki could look so smug. He thought if he could discover these other sides to him, it was worth the humiliation

And so, Tsukiyama was going to rise up to the challenge. He reached behind him and grabbed a stray pillow, then chucked it at the shorter. Kaneki, not expecting Tsukiyama to retaliate with physical actions, was hit square in the face. Hard.

They both paused, Tsukiyama paling significantly and hoping against hope he didn't go too far, and Kaneki narrowing his eyes at the former. He calmly placed the cup of coffee on to his bedside table, then slowly turned to Tsukiyama. The other opened his mouth to start apologizing, when the half-ghoul launched himself forward and attacked him. They both fell backwards, Tsukiyama letting out a somewhat manly yelp and Kaneki yelling, "You _brat_!"

They tumbled, rolling around and wrestling to be on top and dishing out half-hearted insults towards each other.

"You're the undignified brat here!" The violet-haired ghoul corrected, only to be shoved down and pinned by the other.

"Shut up, tacky flower man poser," He grinned, hovered over Tsukiyama.

Tsukiyama was only partly acting when he gasped loudly and rebutted, "I'll have you know, that many women _and_ men fall for my romantic taste in fashion and arrangement of flowers!"

"Riiiight," Kaneki rolled his eyes. "And I suppose you're trying to seduce me with your _expansive_ knowledge of flowers?"

The taller spluttered. "A-ah, well, you see..."

He still didn't know if he felt grateful for the interruption right then or not. Because though he got away from having to answer that question, they were caught in a... questionable position; what with Kaneki straddling Tsukiyama and pinning him to the bed. Jiro had walked in, undoubtedly going to give Kaneki some new information they had managed to uncover, but was stopped short.

Kaneki craned his head to see what the noise was, saw Jiro in the doorway, blushing and stammering. "I-I-I'm so sorry! Pretend you didn't see me!" Jiro all but shrieked. She ran down the hallway, possibly alerting the others as she stomped down the stairs.

Meanwhile, Kaneki sat back and ran a hand down his face. He groaned.

Tsukiyama cleared his throat. "Perhaps now would be a good time to get off? The door's wide open and everything..." He chuckled nervously.

"O-oh. Right," He clambered off of Tsukiyama, flushed face and all. "I should... probably go explain to Jiro, shouldn't I?"

The other nodded shakily. "You don't want the whole household to know... best to do some damage control..."

Kaneki groaned once more. "This is going to be so embarrassing..."

"At least it wasn't Hinami?" Tsukiyama offered.

"Yeah, that would've been really bad. Ugh.." He stood up and made his way to the door, trying to put on a brave face.

"... If you want, I can come with you? Or I could explain it myself?" Tsukiyama didn't mind sacrificing his pride if he could keep Kaneki happy.

He only shook his head no. "It's probably best if they hear it from me directly. Y'know, because..." He scratched the back of his head.

"Yeah, I get it. Should I lock the door next time?" He suggested right away, not bothering to think about how that sounded. Gray eyes widened at the suggestion, Kaneki taking a step back.

"N-no! I mean.. that just seems more suspicious. I just... I should go and clear this up right away."

Tsukiyama was barely able to get out a shaky, "Of course," before Kaneki bolted and left him sitting on top of black and white covers.

He dimly wondered if he was ever going to be allowed back in here, so he took a good look at his surroundings and committed it to memory, then left the room as quietly as he could and escaped out through the back door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sorry.


	3. Consequences

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kanae is still a hopeless mess, and Tsukiyama gets the living crap beat out of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, sorry the long wait! With school starting back up again, it's harder to update. I didn't expect to be drowning in papers so early on in the year... I regret so much ;n; But this chapter is a bit longer too, so maybe that'll help make up for it?

He sat on floral cushions, short legs outstretched in front of him as a longer pair curled around him. A sturdy chest that rumbled with every spoken word was behind him, and in front was a German book held by hands larger than his own. He shifted, making himself comfortable in the huge bundle of warmth he was wrapped in but never tore his gaze from the printed pages before him. He breathed in something that smelled like lavender and dust from the yellowed pages, heard complex words spill over him and though he didn't understand some of them, he didn't want the smooth voice to stop.

" _... and that, marked the end of the knight's long journey. Well Kanae, do you think you can last the night, now?_ _"_

He nodded, feeling the back of his head bump into soft fabric and small buttons. Reluctantly, he got up from the nest of pillows they had made and made his way over to his twin bed. He got tucked in, a ruffle in his purple locks and a small smile directed his way before the lights turned out and he heard the soft closing of his door.

Shortly after, hushed voices were heard on the other side of the wall. " _Please understand, Tsukiyama-sama. The child needs to learn to be independent in his duties, he does not need any more spoiling from you lest he'll keep crying and sniveling to you!_ _"_

" _I understand he needs to be a proper servant and all, but let me do things my way._ _"_

A different, more feminine voice joined in. _"_ _He's an embarrassment to the Tsukiyama household. He needs to shape up before we have any important guests visit!_ _"_

" _We all lose cherished ones, I get it, but hasn't he taken a rather long time to get over the whole ordeal?_ _"_ This time a deeper voice spoke up.

_"_ _Look, I will get things back in order and..._ _"_ He heard the voices recede down the hallway and curled on to his side. He pushed his face into the pillow, his tears beginning to soak the soft fabric. Under the soft moonlight, he promised himself he wouldn't cry over this anymore.

Kanae blearily blinked away the last dregs of sleep as he sat up from cotton covers. He stood, walked over to a larger window than what he had peered through before and pulled back the curtains. He observed the sky, different shades of purples and pinks indicating sunrise.

_"_ I haven't had that dream in ages..." Kanae muttered, mulling over the details of said dream. Then, he shook his head. There was no time for reminiscing. He had work to do, business to tend to.

He made his way over to the small bathroom, glancing at the framed photo of when he had first gotten taken in. Tsukiyama had taken that shot to 'commemorate the beginning of a new chapter'.

That chapter had ended a long time ago.

* * *

"Tsukiyama-san, is that my shampoo you're using?"

Banjou and his group looked unimpressed, sitting around the coffee table while Kaneki pierced him with narrowed eyes. The half-ghoul had called for a meeting as soon as Tsukiyama had stepped out of the shower. The training from yesterday had tired him out. Kaneki had gone especially hard on him, and he was beginning to feel the bruises that covered his body. It was already late, but it wasn't as if Tsukiyama could object.

He hadn't expected Kaneki to notice, and if he did, he didn't think he would just say it in the middle of a discussion like that.

So, Tsukiyama was speechless, opening and closing his mouth like a dying fish, uselessly gulping down air.

To his side, he heard Sante mutter something like, "He's going to get it now," but he was too busy trying to come up with a logical excuse to listen to much else.

"I-"

"I get you didn't have a lot of options so I'll let you off this time, but bring your own stuff next time," Kaneki huffed out, closing his eyes as he added in as an afterthought, "Might as well bring other small things so you don't have to keep borrowing our's."

Both Tsukiyama and Banjou stared wide-eyed at him, while Ichimi and Sante inwardly questioned why Jiro suddenly got a knowing look upon her face.

Hinami looked around, wondering why it was such a big deal and offered, "I don't mind if Tsukiyama-san uses mine!"

The Gourmet barked out a laugh, hoping to dispel the attention off of him when he politely declined, saying it would be easier to use his own and leaving it at that. Hinami shrugged, and Kaneki cleared his throat and gratefully changed the topic back to what they were originally talking about.

Once everyone had finished saying their part, Kankei had dismissed everyone and watched as Tsukiyama ran out the door. Hinami stayed behind, asked, "But onii-chan, hasn't he been using it for a while now?"

The white-haired ghoul paused in his gathering of papers, peered up at her from his seat. He sometimes forgot how strong Hinami's senses were. "Yes, that's true," He eventually replied.

"Then why wait until now to say anything?" The brunette inquired.

Kaneki smirked. "Maybe I wanted to tease him a little."

* * *

He had relented in his teasing the day after, opting to enjoy Tsukiyama's embarrassment when he came over with toiletries in hand. Kaneki tried to hide it underneath his calm and collected façade, but he felt the corners of his lips tug up whenever he looked at Tsukiyama's red face.

Tsukiyama on the other hand, thought he was pulling it off well. And so, him being the brave man that he always was, marched right up to Kaneki to ask where he could put his spare clothes. If he was a bit flustered, it was only because he had been re-organizing the bathroom with his things... or something like that.

He had expected the half-ghoul to say something like a broom closet of the sorts, but Kaneki surprised him by answering that his own closet seemed like as good of a place as any.

Tsukiyama stammered. "I-is that really alright? I mean, I'll try not to take up too much space and I'll keep them separated from yours so-"

"It's fine, it's fine. The others wouldn't want you in their room, and Hinami probably wouldn't mind, but I feel that she needs her space," Kaneki reasoned. "Besides, I don't have much in there so it should be fine."

The taller stood still, then nodded and hurried to follow Kaneki to his room when he saw Kaneki wasn't going to wait for him.

"... Just don't be weird about it. I don't have that many clothes so I'll definitely notice if something is wrong or missing."

" _Bien sûr_ _,_ " Tsukiyama dutifully replied.

When they stepped in, the violet-haired ghoul scanned the room. He tried to see if anything had changed. Aside from the bed actually being made this time and a few new books on the bedside table, everything seemed the same. For someone who liked to stay in his room a lot, it didn't seem lived in.

"Stop staring and close the door already," Kaneki ordered without looking at him. Then, he glanced over as he opened the door to his closet. "Here you go. There's some extra hangers if you need them. Also, you can come in to get some whenever you want. _But_. If I think you're being suspicious you're gonna have to ask me for my permission first. Understand?"

"Yes," He answered as he shut the door behind him and walked over to the shorter. Tsukiyama began to hang clothes up when he noticed the alarmingly small amount of clothes already there. He chewed his lip, thinking it was risky but... "Kaneki-kun, I've noticed you don't have a lot... maybe it'd be nice to go shopping soon?"

Kaneki took a moment to think. Then he asked, "And by shopping, you mean the two of us going out there in broad daylight?"

"I- yes, I thought you'd just wear the wig if you felt uncomfortable, but I see that was inconsiderate of me." Tsukiyama began putting garments away slowly, wanting to prolong his time of not having to look at the other.

"Did you forget that we're kind of wanted right now, and all the danger we could potentially be in?" Kaneki snapped.

Tsukiyama gulped, realizing he was out of clothes. He turned around, looked towards Kaneki's face but found he couldn't quite make eye contact. "You're right, it was a dumb idea. I'm sorry." And he began to walk towards the door, not wanting to stick around if he had angered the half-ghoul. Tsukiyama brushed past him, inwardly cringing as the expected hand shot out and latched onto his wrist. He braced for a beating, or best case scenario a threat, but neither came. Instead, Kaneki stayed turned away from him, started out,

"It... was a dumb idea, but I appreciate the thought. I still think it's a bit too risky to go out unnecessarily as of now, but... If you want, we could do some online shopping?" He offered. Then, he seemed to remember something and let go of Tsukiyama. "No wait, I probably shouldn't use my credit card, huh? And then there'd be digital tracks left and-"

"No worries, Kaneki-kun! I have it all sorted out if that's what you're worried about! I have cards with different information for this sort of thing." The ghoul directed a smile towards him.

Kaneki turned, surprise etched into his face. "You don't need to do that."

"I know, but I want to. Just let me do this for you, _chér_ _i,_ _"_ Tsukiyama reassured. Kaneki only stared, to which Tsukiyama simply matched with his own. The shorter blew a puff of air, shook his head slightly as he conceded defeat. Tsukiyama thought he saw a smile, but it was gone before he could take a second look.

"Yeah, ok. If you really want to do this. Just don't tell the others."

"I most definitely will not tell a soul!" He placed his palm over his heart, made a stern face that Kaneki only rolled his eyes to.

After a few hours of arguing what would best look nice on Kaneki, and trying to convince Tsukiyama not to blow everything just for designer clothes, all the orders where finally made. Kaneki sat back on his bed, pushing the laptop off of him and moved to get more comfortable. Tsukiyama sat beside him, shoulders touching. The French-speaking ghoul tried to keep his hunger in check. He felt his heart beating a mile a minute as he watched Kaneki close his eyes and subtly lean closer.

"I didn't think shopping online would be this tiring." He yawned, white bangs falling away to reveal bags under his eyes.

Trying not to ruin the moment by doing something deemed 'weird', he asked, "Kaneki-kun, have you been getting enough sleep? You should try and take more time off."

Kaneki shook his head. "You don't understand, I've already taken up too much time just doing this with you. I could be out there getting answers."

Tsukiyama felt a bit hurt from the statement, but tried not to let it show. He knew there was no way Kaneki could see himself how Tsukiyama saw him, working himself to the bone with not enough rest. And so, Kaneki surprised him by following it up with, "But I feel.. calm now. Just- just push me away if this become weird." Kaneki laid his head on Tsukiyama's shoulder, moving close enough that their thighs were flush against each other.

Tsukiyama tried not to have a heart attack. He felt his face warm up, but luckily it was getting dark in the room, and Kaneki wasn't even looking at him anyways. He tried to say something reassuring, perhaps something like, 'I'd never push you away', but his voice caught in his throat and he only choked on his words. Whether the other noticed, he never knew. Tsukiyama was only trying not to give in to his urges.

It wasn't fair how Kaneki was so willing to place himself in Tsukiyama's sight like that. He was so tantalizingly close, his scent drowning out all coherent thought. The Gourmet craned his neck and opened his maws, ready to take a bite. Just one little nibble, no harm done, right? But then, Kaneki wrapped pale fingers around his bicep and cuddled up to him, gave a soft snore.

Tsukiyama froze. He was- how could- No. Tsukiyama was trying to gain his trust, not burn it down to the ground. He had to endure it, because he knew the end result would be worth it.

Although... if Kaneki were in his stomach and no longer here, he found it hard to imagine life where he couldn't experience _this_ anymore. He blinked, wondering when he started questioning his decisions on meals.

In the meantime though, he'd not let the chance go to waste and gave a small peck on top of Kaneki's noggin.

* * *

A man in a grey trench coat and purple-tinted sunglasses leaned against the brick wall of an alley. He trailed behind a young man with short, black hair and casual dress clothes. He walked in the outskirts of the city, looking a bit out of place with a sleek, black button down and grey slacks. He glanced from side to side before slipping into what seemed like a run-down car repair shop. Tsukiyama followed, stopping at the door and listened in.

Tsukiyama had been following Kaneki for a while now, a bit enraged, actually. It had started out as overhearing Hinami speaking with Kaneki in the kitchen. It was a normal enough occurrence, but then Tsukiyama heard the words 'Touka' and 'meeting' and became intrigued. He didn't look up from his book, but now he listened more intently. It seemed that Hinami had spoken to the blue-haired ghoul, and was offering to arrange a meeting with the two. At first, Kaneki seemed hesitant, but then Hinami had started saying things like, "I just want onii-chan to be happy, and onee-chan is worried, too!" and Kaneki gave in.

Normally, Tsukiyama wouldn't care too much, but he got a bit angry when he kept expecting Kaneki to tell the group of said meeting and it never happened. So, Kaneki was keeping secrets. That was fine, even Tsukiyama kept his own secrets, but this was... different, somehow. Kaneki was going out to meet with someone Tsukiyama didn't exactly trust, and he was going without protection.

He would forgive him, of course. He could never stay mad at the half-ghoul. But just to be safe, he wanted to make sure Kaneki got home still in one piece.

So that morning when he heard Kaneki open and close the back door, Tsukiyama silently followed, making sure to keep a good distance away but not enough to lose sight of him.

And now, he stood guard at the rusty door of a repair shop, tuning in to the voices behind the thin, metal walls. He heard the female voice first, commenting on Kaneki's new choice of clothes.

"You look good. Tsukiyama-san isn't rubbing off on you, is he?" She all but spat out. On the other side, the older ghoul seethed.

"A-ah, well no, it's just-"

"Yeah, whatever. We can discuss your fashion choices later. I came to give you some information," Rustles of paper and then a pause. "Although it'd be nice if you could just come to your senses and realize we could help you more over at Anteiku, I guess the least I could do is provide you with this."

"Listen Touka-"

"I know what you're going to say. Something about not wanting to put me in danger's way, or some bullshit like that, right?" Another pause. "Yeah, well it's a little too late for that now, isn't it? I'm already this much involved in it, might as well dive in headfirst."

Kaneki sighed, barely audible through the walls. "I know, and I'm sorry I have to put you through this, but it's better like this. I really appreciate the help, but you should probably stop here. For your own sake."

"For my own sake? What are you, stupid? I can take care of myself perfectly fine," She scoffed, then continued in an angrier tone. "You just don't get it, do you? Just who do you think you are, thinking you can waltz into my life like that and waltz right back out?! Under the guise of protecting me, too? What is wrong with you?!"

Kaneki remained silent throughout Touka's yelling, harsh words piercing the stale air. Tsukiyama had enough, and was about to go in there and tell the girl she _had no right_ to yell at his Kaneki-kun like that, but then Touka quieted down. The silence stretched on for minutes, and Tsukiyama grew restless. Deciding to take a chance, he moved to the window beside him and he wiped at the film of dirt- disgust evident- to see what was going on.

He had a front-row seat to the picture of Kaneki embracing Touka. Touka seemed shocked silent, didn't quite know what to do with her hands. Then she seemed to come to her senses, punched the half-ghoul in the face and stumbled back. Tsukiyama ducked down, trying to contain his anger and frustration. He really wanted to attack the girl now more than ever, but he knew if he was caught following Kaneki, he probably wouldn't be able to walk for days.

Good timing, too, because Touka chose that moment to run out the shop, not bothering to look behind her. Tsukiyama sprinted over to the side of the building, in case Kaneki decided to go after her through that same door. However, it seemed like he hadn't moved from that spot. As much as it pained Tsukiyama, he knew now was his chance to hightail it out of there without the risk of being seen.

And so he took to the rooftops and sprinted all way back to his place, wanting to avoid suspicion from the others. Besides, he didn't think he could properly face Kaneki after that sort of thing. He didn't want to let his anger show, because then Kaneki would know something was up.

He resolved to take a day off, knowing the white-haired ghoul probably wouldn't even take notice of his absence. He'd be too busy worrying about _other_ things. Which suited Tsukiyama fine, even worked to his advantage. So then, why was he feeling a bit let down?

* * *

Kanae had been setting up the dinner table when he suddenly felt arms slink around his waist from behind. He yelped, knocking over the glass of blood wine he had just prepared. He heard a tutting noise by his ear, then a deep voice followed it up with, "Kanae, calm down, it's only me."

Instantly, Kanae recognized the voice and relaxed a bit, before taking note of the spilled wine and began panicking again. He moved out of Tsukiyama's grasp and began dabbing at the puddle on the floor and on the tablecloth with paper napkins. "This is going to be hard to get rid of..." The servant groaned.

"It's my fault, I'll tell them not to punish you so don't worry," Tsukiyama reassured.

Kane turned around, cocked his head to the side. "Shuu-sama... What are you doing here?" He asked.

Tsukiyama only scoffed. "Is that any way to speak to your master?"

At that, Kanae's eyes widened and he spluttered, mixing in German. " _Scheiße_ sorry! I didn't mean it like that! I just- you haven't visited in a long time and I guess I wasn't expecting you. Sorry that we only have left-overs..."

"Oh, so that wine was for you? Tsk, Kanae, are you sure that's a good idea?" Tsukiyama replied coolly, a hint of a smirk creeping up on his face.

"I-I can handle it!" He claimed, sounding almost indignant. The taller ghoul rose an eyebrow, looking amused. He backed off, raised his hands in the air.

"If you say you can, then you can," Then he moved over to the other side of the table. "Do you mind if I join you?"

Tsukiyama was just full of surprises today, wasn't he? Kanae was starting to get suspicious, wondering if his master was just trying to butter him up to ask for some favors. He knew Tsukiyama was trying to provide for a larger group, but that's about all he _did_ know. When the Gourmet had become so charitable, Kanae didn't know. If he was coming back for some actual help though, that made him happy. If felt nice to be needed by this master again, even if it was for the good of what was likely just trash. So, Kanae indulged.

"Please Shuu-sama, by all means." He went to pull out Tsukiyama's chair, then served him a glass before heading back to his seat. They sat in silence for a few minutes, both stealing glances at each other, with different worries. Then, Tsukiyama broke the silence by announcing a toast.

"To the continued sustainment of the Tsukiyama family! May we forge on for centuries to come!" At that, the pair clinked glasses and took a sip. The older ghoul made a noise of content whereas Kanae scrunched up his face. Tsukiyama laughed. "Not what you were expecting?"

The servant licked his lips, wiping off the red droplets there. His eyebrows furrowed as he squinted. "... I'm not sure what I was expecting. It's not unpleasant. Just... strange."

Kanae had been taking more experimental sips, subtly smacking his lips and blissfully unaware of Tsukiyama tracking his movements. "Yes, it'll take a while for you to get used to it."  
The younger set his glass down, then seemed to consider the ghoul across from him. Before Tsukiyama could ask, Kanae proceeded to question, "Shuu-sama, did something happen?" Tsukiyama looked taken aback. He listened as Kanae continued, "It's got something to do with the other ghouls you're taking care of, right?"

_Wow_ , Tsukiyama thought. He had not once mentioned of how he was taking Banjou's group under his wing, but Kanae seemed to have figured it out simply by analyzing what seemed to be random bills that somehow made it into the Tsukiyama manor instead of the Tsukiyama flat. It would've been nice to have included him in the group; he could've been very useful. Alas, things just simply couldn't go that way.

"... You got me there," Tsukiyama eventually replied, giving a small, sad smile.

Kanae made a noise of disapproval. "Why are you helping them anyways? You don't owe them anything," He wrinkled his nose.

The other only sighed. "Would you believe me if I said it's to achieve a meal?"

If possible, Kanae only grew more displeased. "I thought you had given up on that," He took another sip of his blood wine, movements jerky.

"I wish I could, but he just has me so captivated. If you only got a whiff of his scent, you would agree!"

"I don't need to," The servant replied bitterly. Tsukiyama's eyes widened, then he put his glass down to observe Kanae openly. The latter noticed, but acted like he didn't.

_He's matured_ _,_ Tsukiyama soberly concluded. A sudden wave of guilt hit him once he realized he wasn't there to see it happen. He opened his mouth, possibly to ask for forgiveness, but backed out at the last second and said, "Let's not talk about that. Why don't you tell me what I've missed?"

Now it was Kanae's turn to look surprised. He took a moment to reply, but he slowly nodded and began to re-count months' worth of events.

 

He had too much to drink. The younger ghoul dazedly looked up at the ceiling, wondering why it seemed to be moving. Then, he noticed a strong jawline above him, coupled with rosy lips and long, fluttering eyelashes. It took him a while to process that information, and then he felt arms around his shoulders and underneath his knees and he realized he was being carried. By Tsukiyama. His master.

Kanae felt almost humiliated. Then, his one moment of clarity got drowned out by the pleasant buzz in his head and he forgot what role he was supposed to be playing here. All he cared about was how warm he felt, and how nice Tsukiyama smelled. He snuggled into a lavender-clad shoulder, tried to keep his sniffing unnoticeable but had a feeling he failed when he first felt, then heard, Tsukiyama's rumbling chuckles above him.

He felt like a kid again, back to when he had first arrived at the manor and was being greatly cared for by Tsukiyama. At the time, he saw his master like a superhero. Feeling the strength in the arms holding him, looking back up at his chiseled facial features, Kanae felt the comparison was spot on.

He lowered his eyelids as he felt soft, satin fabric underneath him, allowed himself to sink into the mattress. He rolled over, realized this bed was bigger than usual and quickly sat up. Bad idea, because Kanae's vision swirled and twirled, making him dizzy enough that he resolved to just lie back down. Dimly, he heard Tsukiyama's (was it always this dreamy?) voice.

"Don't hurt yourself, dear Kanae," And then, a rustle of covers and a dip in the bed to his right. The intoxicated ghoul moved closer to the source, pleased to find a warm arm to attach himself to. Above him, he heard musical laughter. He stretched his neck to look up, noticed Tsukiyama had a book in hand and wondered when he'd gotten one from off the shelf. "You take it easy, I'm just going to read for a bit." He explained, once seeing Kanae's confused expression.

Perhaps the servant should've rejected this, or at the very least questioned any of this was happening. This, being the whole entering into Tsukiyama's room, using Tsukiyama's bed and snuggling up to the man himself. Not to mention being carried like some sort of bride on their way here. Kanae should've been mortified, embarrassed, enraged, anything really. Anything other than feeling a sense of wholesome comfort, something like home.

But no, Kanae simply enjoyed it for what it was. And so he fell asleep by Tsukiyama's side, burrowing himself into that nest of warmth.

* * *

He almost thought it was a dream. He'd woken up, the spot beside him cold now. He looked around with drooping eyelids, taking in his surroundings. He was in one of his master's rooms, but why?

All of a sudden, last night's events came flooding back to him. His eyes snapped open, wide with shock, shame, and regret. He patted the bed underneath him, just to make sure that _yes_ , he really _was_ in Tsukiyama's room and it hadn't been some drunken dream. Kanae quickly pulled the covers off of him, shivering in the morning temperature and made his way to the bathroom. He took one look in the mirror and winced.

Now that the adrenaline had for the most part gone down, he stopped to examine himself. His eyes were tinged red, violet locks of hair sticking out everywhere and dress shirt wrinkled. His outerwear such as his vest, gloves and belt were gone, and a quick peek outside revealed them to be laying over an ornate chair. He wondered when Tsukiyama had taken them off, whether if it was before or after he fell asleep. He moved closer to the mirror, trying to pat his mess of hair into some semblance of something normal.

Then the headache began. It was a relentless thing, slowly starting out as a dull ache, then crescendo-ing to a sharp throbbing near his temple. He shakily made his way back to the bed, seeing as he was in no condition to go out. He wondered in the back of his head what his punishment would be. That was pretty reckless of him, he'd admit to that.

Speak of the devil, and another servant comes knocking at the door and calling his name.

He remained silent, closing his eyes and hoped against hope that this bed would swallow him whole. Of course, life was cruel to him. The door opened and in walked a maid. She was one of the newer ones, voice slightly shaking whenever she spoke. "I-I was told you weren't feeling well, and to take this," She delicately placed a tray with a bottle of water and a small package on the bedside table. "I'm also supposed to t-tell you that coffee can help some, too," And then she bowed and began to walk towards the door.

She seemed to remember something, and turned around in a flash, skirt whipping around pale legs. "Oh, a-and your duties have dispersed among the rest of us for the day. U-uh, please get better soon!" With that said, she flitted out of the room in a flurry of grand swooshing sounds, followed by the slamming of the double doors.

Kanae blinked, looked over at the tray and noticed a card on it. Reaching over was an arduous task, but he took hold of it eventually and brought it towards his face to read. In curving, elegant handwriting, it read, _Kanae,_ _I'm sorry I left without informing you, but I got you something to help you feel better! Just follow the instructions on there and you should be fine. I look forward to seeing you again._ Signed, Tsukiyama Shuu and various other names of the servants living at the manor.

To go to the trouble of accommodating Kanae, and even to get the others in on it... this hung-over servant felt giddy, even through his headache-evolved-migraines. He read the words over a few more times before hugging it to his chest and laying back down. Maybe there was still some hope left.

* * *

Kaneki had been in a slump this past week. He refused to come out of his room for more than what was necessary, and only spoke short, blunt bursts of words to everyone. The times that he _did_ come out of his room were spent out hunting, taking down more ghouls than humans. How did Tsukiyama know? Because he checked up on him, of course. It wasn't safe out there, especially not now, and Tsukiyama wouldn't let Kaneki go out without any form of protection.

Though he had to admit, from the harsh displays of cannibalism, it didn't look like Kaneki even needed any protection. _Still_ _,_ Tsukiyama thought as he saw flesh torn from bones and blood spraying everywhere, _better safe than sorry_ _._

Tsukiyama went back to the apartment for the day, having seen enough and deciding to confide a little bit more in Kaneki in making his way home safely. He had fixed himself a cup of coffee, scrunched his nose up seeing as he had to buy a lower valued one because they were running low on money this month. Still, he'd drink it so as not to alienate himself further from the group.

Done with the warm drink, he gently put the cup in the sink and turned around to bump into a certain half-ghoul. He'd heard the other come in, but didn't think he was this close. "S-sorry." Tsukiyama tried to excuse himself, knowing Kaneki might still be high on the adrenaline of his previous kills. He didn't want to get tossed around like a ragdoll today. He'd had enough of that every other day during training.

So surprisingly, Kaneki let him go easily enough. Though, he asked in a quiet voice, something small and insignificant. "... Why have you stopped coming by?"

To which Tsukiyama froze, slowly twisted himself around to face Kaneki's back. He bit his lower lip, rubbed the back of his head knowing Kaneki couldn't see him do these nervous ticks. "Kaneki-kun, I thought you wanted space. Perhaps I was wrong?"

Tsukiyama saw the twitch even from where he was standing. He braced himself. "Why did you think that?" Kaneki asked in a flat voice, giving no indication to anything.

"A-ah well, It's just that you've uh... seemed down recently and uh-"

"I've seemed down."

"I- yes, I mean, after what happened-" Oops. Huge mistake. Tsukiyama regretted saying anything at all; now he covered his mouth with his own two hands. He hadn't meant for that to slip out. Hopefully...

"What do you know?" Kaneki whipped around, veins becoming evident around his eyes. He stalked over to where Tsukiyama stood, making the taller back into the counter. The edge bit painfully into his hip, but that was the least of his troubles.

"N-no! I don't know anything! I was simply assuming, Kaneki-kun. You... you seem tense. Um, why don't we go calm you down, perhaps a nice massage or-" Tsukiyama hurried to push the attention off himself, but the half-ghoul yanked on his arm, nearly dislocating his shoulder as he led him towards the basement. Tsukiyama tried digging his heels into the carpet, desperate to stop him, but Kaneki was too strong, fueled by anger.

"You know what, you're right, Tsukiyama-san. I deserve a nice distraction. Why don't you tell me what you _do_ know while we... do some light sparring?" The shorter asked, yet his tone left no room for argument.

The other conceded, knowing it was futile to try and resist. He quickly went through the choices and outcomes in his head, trying to pick the one with less punishment. If he stayed silent and just took the beating, Kaneki would eventually tire and leave him alone. He wouldn't trust him as much anymore, but he might get away with less life-threatening wounds.

On the other hand, if Tsukiyama told him the truth, Kaneki would definitely be furious with him. He'd get beaten to a pulp. However, perhaps Kaneki would give him credit since he came clean about it. Maybe he'd put more restrictions on him than before- take away some privileges- but he just might forgive him.

Tsukiyama didn't know which was worse. It all boiled down to: a few injuries but losing Kaneki's trust, or beaten half to death but possibly retaining some semblance of Kaneki's trust.

The Gourmet had already spent so much time getting closer to his precious meal, and the thought of losing all that progress didn't sit well with him...

He didn't necessarily want to almost die for his meal, either...

Only one option he could choose, really.

* * *

"And what did you hear?" Kaneki asked loud enough to be heard above the sound of knuckles meeting bruised skin. Tsukiyama attempted to dodge, but he was too slow for Kaneki's razor sharp punches. The shorter drew back to throw another one, this time directed towards his face, but Tsukiyama managed to block it in time with his forearms. His pinstriped sleeves were all torn up now, seeing as he hadn't gotten the chance to roll them up before Kaneki started attacking.

_What a shame_ , he thought right before he got kicked in the gut and flew back a good few feet. He hit the ground, hard, knocking his head onto concrete floors and making his vision flicker in and out. He watched with glazed over eyes as Kaneki walked over to him, stomped down on his chest. The older ghoul coughed, spluttered, sprayed blood into the air which only fell back down upon on his face and marred his porcelain skin.

His skin was more black and blue now, with smatterings of ruby droplets dripping from cuts. He was pretty sure his hair was being dyed a burgundy color now, if the liquid warmth trickling down his scalp was any indication. He weakly pushed at the bare foot above him, but it was no use. If anything, Kaneki only applied more pressure.

"I-" He coughed, tried again. "I heard she gave you some information, files maybe?"

"What else?"

Tsukiyama wheezed. "She.. started yelling at you, I'm not really sure, I don't quite remember." He allowed himself one small lie, he remembered clearly but he kept that to himself. "Then she ran out. That's... when I ran as well."

"And did you follow her too?"

"N-no. I went home straight after. I swear," Tsukiyama pushed again at the foot, finding it hard to breathe now. Luckily, Kaneki relented. He removed the foot, then leaned down and roughly grabbed at the collar of Tsukiyama's shirt. He pulled him close to his face, snarling.

"You better not be lying to me, Tsukiyama-san. Because if I find out you are, I'll make this seem like child's play compared to what I will do to you." Then he let go of Tsukiyama, letting him drop down with a loud thud. He walked over Tsukiyama, spared him one last glance before disappearing past the door.

The other ghoul was left behind in the cold, dank basement, left alone with his regrets. The pool of blood was slowly spreading, and his vision was blacking out, but he found he couldn't care less.

If it meant a few minute's respite from this, he'd take it.

* * *

He awoke in a bed that was not his. The covers underneath his fingertips were of low-quality, stiff and a bit scratchy. He tried to turn his head- inspect his surroundings- but found he couldn't because a spike of hurt flowed through him whenever he made movement. He settled for staring at the ceiling above him, began counting the yellowed spots to distract himself from the pain.

In all honesty, it wasn't that bad. He knew he had no serious injuries, and that he would heal given enough time. Yet somehow, the (personal) beating hurt more, now that he knew the perpetrator on a personal level. At least back when he had been bleeding out in the chapel before, Tsukiyama hadn't _really_ known Kaneki. He still didn't really know him, and now he felt like it'd be close to impossible to climb back up to where he was before.

He closed his eyes, finally taking account of his injuries and slightly moved his limbs to assess himself.

When he moved, he felt fabric shift and pull at his skin; now realizing he had been bandaged and patched up. Tsukiyama wondered who could've done it. He figured maybe Jiro. Maybe Banjou had been the one stuck with the task of carrying Tsukiyama to... wherever this was. The mental image made him laugh- or at least he laughed until it turned into an ugly, rattling cough. Tiny red droplets flew from his lips and dripped down his chin.

Tsukiyama groaned. That meant there was some possible internal bleeding. Lovely.

He reached up wipe the blood away, noticed bandages on his hands, too. Had he roughed them up while fighting Kaneki? Had he managed to sneak some hits in? The injured ghoul wracked his head, tried to remember but it was all too fuzzy.

He underestimated Kaneki, didn't think he'd be this pissed.

Nearby, a shaft of yellow light cut into the dark room, signaling someone entering. Tsukiyama figured it was easier to pretend to be still knocked out, so he carefully lay still.

"He's not awake yet, so don't worry about it," a male voice reassured. Tsukiyama recognized it as Ichimi's. He heard more shuffling, then the soft shutting of the door as the room was cast back into darkness. "You really did a number on him, huh? I mean, I can understand why. Creepy stalker."

Tsukiyama took it in stride, didn't even have the energy to feel insulted

"Yeah... Um, do you know when he'll wake up?" A different voice asked.

"Do I look like a nurse to you?" A moment's pause. "If you're worried about him waking up while you're here, don't. He's still outta it. He'll probably come back to the world of the living by the morning." Ichimi answered, a bit flippantly.

"Ah well, that's fine. Uh, thanks for letting him borrow your bed."

"Yeah I know you wouldn't want the weirdo back in your room, it's the least I can do."

"Ichimi, Sante! Come help me move this!" A different, gruff voice called out.

"Ah, that's Banjou, probably dropped the remote behind the T.V again," The ghoul chuckled. "I should go help. See ya, Kaneki-san."

"Yeah," The other monotonously answered. Then, more shuffling and the sound of the door opening and closing, followed by silence.

Tsukiyama tried to keep his breathing even as he braced himself for an insult to injury- quite literally- but was shocked to feel fingers briefly touch his cheek. The contact was so fluttery and light that Tsukiyama wondered if he imagined it, but then he heard Kaneki's low voice whisper, "I didn't mean to go this far."

His eyes slowly opened against his will, desperately wanting to see Kaneki's expression at that moment. Of course, it was too dark to see much, just a white halo of hair glowing in the absence of light. Tsukiyama thought it was the perfect compliment to his darker side, almost poetic.

However, Kaneki seemed to catch on quickly and took notice that the ghoul was awake; he startled when he saw Tsukiyama's violet-turned-black pupils shine in the dark. He whispered a quick, "Sorry," then turned to hightail it out of there. Almost predictably by now, the other's hand shot out and took ahold of Kaneki's wrist.

"It's ok," Tsukiyama breathed out.

The shorter stared, face obscured in shadows. Tsukiyama imagined a look of disbelief etched into his features, making his eyebrows furrow. The Gourmet found himself wanting to reach out and smooth it all away. He didn't, though he also didn't let go of Kaneki.

"What?" The half-ghoul asked, voice surprisingly calm.

"I said it's ok. I understand how you feel Kaneki-kun. It was wrong of me. I should've known better," Here, he did let go, retracting his hand back to lay it on his chest.

At first, Kaneki simply stood there, quiet. Then, he began with a strong tone, "... Even though it's not ok for you to be doing stuff like that, I shouldn't..."

"Kaneki-kun."

"No Tsukiyama-san, just listen. I've been really high-strung lately, and I know that's no excuse for... this," He gestured with his hand. "... So you can't say it's ok. Because it's not. Just-" His voice cracked, then he coughed and corrected it once more. "Just look at what I've done to you. This is... beyond the usual cuts and bruises from training."

The other just shook his head, ignoring the pain. "Really, Kaneki-kun. It's fine. It'll take more than that to really hurt me. I'm not as fragile as you think I am.'

"I'm not saying you are. I just don't want to hurt you," He paused, then added on, "Well, not anymore than I usually have to."

Tsukiyama chuckled, but it turned to a hacking cough like earlier. He needed to remember not to do that for a while. He quickly shrugged it off, all while Kaneki stared uncertainly, unsure of what to do. "I'm ok. It's ok. Really. I just need some rest. And maybe some water," he looked to the other, smiling sheepishly.

"... Ok. I'll go get that for you," Kaneki reluctantly let go of the topic, choosing to be of some immediate help to the ghoul. He strode over to the door, however, he was not able to fully leave because Tsukiyama called out,

"Um, Kaneki-kun?"

"Yes?"

"I don't think I'll be able to head over to your room tonight-"

"Oh, that's fine! You shouldn't worry about that. It's... not a big deal," he interrupted, voice a bit strained. Tsukiyama was able to pick up the insecurity in his words, so he followed it up with,

"Soooo... I was thinking... If it wouldn't be too much trouble for you, we could meet here? If, ah, you still want to..."

"... I don't want to stress you out even more," He forlornly replied.

"Please, you wouldn't be bothering me in the slightest. In fact, I insist!"

Kaneki seemed to be at a loss as he stared at a spot on the wall behind Tsukiyama. "... Ok. Ok. I'll uh, go get your water, then."

" _Merci_ ," Tsuukiyama thanked him, watching as Kaneki pulled the door closed behind him. Now, the room was back to black; devoid of all color. He thought of how bland the room looked without Kaneki in it. He decided the room wasn't interesting enough, and his eyelids slowly drooped lower and lower, until he felt he couldn't take it anymore. He slipped under.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These are not happy times.


	4. Fate

“…yama-san. Tsukiyama-san, c’mon, it’s time to get up.”

Kaneki grabbed onto his shoulder, refraining from shaking him for the fear of hurting him any further.

He wasn’t moving.

“…Shuu?”

His injuries couldn’t have been that bad, right? He… he knew he lost some control, but he was sure it couldn’t have hurt Tsukiyama to this extent. He should’ve been mostly healed by now! Maybe, maybe he just needed some food.

But weren’t they out at the moment? When was the next shipment due anyways? Frantically looking around for what to do, he grimaced at the idea coming to mind. _He better appreciate this_.

Kaneki rolled his right sleeve up, slashed his wrist with his newly summoned kagune, and slowly moved it above Tsukiyama’s pale lips. He hoped the smell would be enough to wake him up.

A tongue slowly snaked its way out, eager to taste the blood, but right before he could…

BAM

In came Kanae bursting through the walls, kagune extended out before retreating to wrap elegantly around his navy shirt.

“SHUU-SAMA DON’T DO IT”

Kaneki stared, wondering why there were two Tsukiyamas in the room. Wait, no this one was younger…

“…Are you Tsukiyama-san’s kid?”

Kanae looked at him in revulsion. Then, he proceeded to walk towards Tsukiyama’s weak body and lift him from the bed. “Master, I cannot let you stay here any longer. I love you. Let’s go home,” Kanae stared lovingly into Tsukiyama’s newly opened eyes.

“Karren,” He breathed out, brushing his hand against his servant’s cheek.

“UH”

The two turned to look at Kaneki.

“Tsukiyama-san, what about me?” Kaneki pouted, looking up with doe eyes and leaning forward, making sure to expose his clavicle.

“He doesn’t want trash like you. Besides, I’m hotter, right?”

“Um,”

“What the fuck did you just say?” Kaneki glared daggers at Kanae, rising with kagune up in the air.

“Oh, I wouldn’t worry about it,” He replied pleasantly.

“Come say it to my face, you fuck. Or are you not enough of a man?” the half-breed smirked, knowing he struck a nerve. Kanae looked like he was about to burst.

“FURUTA-SAN NOW”

And just then, construction beams fell through the roof and crushed Kaneki.

Furuta popped his head through the hold in the ceiling, to which Kanae gave a thumbs up to and Furuta smiled.

“Wh-what…?” Tsukiyama uttered, trying to comprehend what had happened.

“Don’t worry honey, we can live happily ever after now.”

And then Kanae leaned down and finally kissed Tsukiyama, and they had a hot, steamy sesh right next to a growing puddle of blood for awhile before the servant pulled away and grinned cheekily.

Tsukiyama was stunned, but he smiled too and decided to just go with it.

“Fuck it, let’s go home.”

Kanae nodded, then jumped through the hole in the ceiling and ran off into the sunset, carrying Tsukiyama bridal-style the whole way. __

* * *

“Hey Banjou, did you hear anything?” Sante was flipping through a magazine when he was pretty sure he heard some sort of explosion, and paused to look up at their leader.

“Huh? Nah it’s probably just Kaneki-san bashing Tsukiyama’s brains in again,” He replied, flipping through the channels on the T.V.

“Oh. All right.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sorry.  
> Well ok I am sorry for not uploading since like 84 years ago, but this is why  
> I cry guys

**Author's Note:**

> Oh Tsukiyama, you should've listened to him.


End file.
